I am going
to roll over like the mightiest ice form
and fall apart all over my beautiful circles
if I see one more betrothed
one more beloved
one more engagement
one more hopeful future bursting forth from the ranks of my friends before it's time and so far after mine.
It's miserly and rotten but it's real and abrasive and I'm not as sorry as you'd think I am to say it.
One more 18-years-old-highschool-sweetheart-rich-parents-new-homeowners couple who have fought no wars, earned no stripes, tasted nothing bitter, and I'm letting the keel go all the way form 6 to 12 and staying there. I cannot see hope for myself in the face of all such things, and I can't be happy for them even though I want to be.
I'm withering at the root here, and where have you gone? I'm letting the panacea go, and what is left for me?
I cried out years ago for this! I told you I was a lantern burning out in the cold of the night because there were no bright stars on the horizon!
Nothing has changed. Nothing is changing. I have no promise anything will. I have no idea how to carry on. Repeat. Move along.
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